dark feelings... and despair

[vice]

i feel surrounded by darkness.

i just feel like nothing i used to like in life matters anymore. it satrted about 4 years ago, and has just been getting worse... it's at a point where i just don't feel like myself anymore.

i feel so isolated; i don't have many friends, and what friends i do have lately i have been pushing away lately because i don't want them to know how bad this has gotten.

i don't want to go to work, i don't want to come home, i don't want to be alone, i don't know what i want of life anymore.

my self esteem is shattered, and i have little confidence in myself; something deep inside knows i will fail again sooner or later.

i think of suicide often, and everytime i refill my perscriptions i tell myself "that this is the bottle of pills i will use to do it". but it never happens.

i have a plan, but cannot do it because i'm not ready. so in the meantime, i'm hoping someone out there can tell me it's going to be okay, and maybe i can get through this.

of course, anyone can say it's going to be okay and that "you will get through this".

but can anyone tell me what the value of a human life is?

[DownButNotOut]

Pretty dark, my friend. Not unfamiliar territory, tho! Hang in there, both for yourself, and for the people whose paths you've crossed in this life. Keep seeking help and ye shall find it. All is not lost.

[jebj55]

I feel the same way I just want to end it... as hard as I try to better my life I get NO brakes nothing is or has gotten better in my life and I'm just not happy.. about the things I should be happy about like my kids my wife job house anything...

[comfortlife]

I must tell that I have read each & every word of your post very carefully and while I was reading ...I smiled because It's the same thing that I used to think 1 Week ago...read very carefully what I am going to write now..."There is hope!" At first I was a mentally devastated for something that happened in my life when I was a kid, and my condition was worse after 5 years, I was this close to be crazy, I started to take medicine, It made me comfortable after 3 years...in the mean time I was totally unable to do my study...so my career was finished...how ever I managed to handle the situation...but again It was a wrong decision...my girl friend left me, I had no job, I was on my parents and my parents are retired....I began to fantasize about dying even tried to suicide...and then suddenly a person came and showed me the way,....the way to life, now I am confident & stronger than I ever was.....hope this will help you

[Danny1]

I believe that we all stand on the eve of greatness. We can choose to hear those who doubt us, or instead listen to those who believe in us!! Live life, make mistakes, learn lessons, but ALWAYS keep moving forward! Every thing happens for a reason. life puts you down, only so you can get back up for the better things. Live life, forgive and forget. Good luck my friend .

[Love Dove]

I have never really belonged to forums before, so bare with me....
I know how you feel as I have been feeling the same. I know mine has to do with the situation I am in and its too bad that people don't consider mental abuse from a narcissist as actual abuse. So I feel so stuck.
The responses already in this thread are true, but I understand how it is hard to believe and hard to apply to your own life. I have the same trouble.
It is also harder when in fact you have no one. When I say no one, I mean not one person that you can trust and rely on.
Its good you at least found and forum to let some weight off of your shoulders and you should get the number for a crisis line in your area which is what I am about to do.
I think the best medicine is to reach out to those who understand what your going through and stay in touch with those people.
I truly hope that things only get better for you and for the rest of us who are dealing with these demons.

[Donhere]

I myself am going through hell. I am retired, wife does not work, things are getting harder and harder for me to deal with. I have my wife that supports the way I feel, but how long can that go on. I worry about everything, and anyone, even the ones I don't even know I worry about. Its close to Christmas, and don"t even have the strength to go out and buy something for my wife. She says don't worry about it, but deep down I do. I myself know that things will get better, and know ( it sounds strange ) that there are people feeling the same way I do, or worse off. I have to take things one day at a time, and hopefully things will get better, and I know they will. I honestly know the feeling of being alone, and you just don't want to see anyone. The best thing I found that helps is getting out of the house and doing something, wether going to the mall, or going to a ice rink and watching kids have fun. Just changing the surrounding areas that you are used to seeing day by day. I am hoping that everyone that has this feeling of depression gets better, and it will with time. Sometimes it takes a good nights sleep to help you go on. Thanks for listening to me, and some things may not make sence to you, but thats just the way I feel towards others that have depression the same way I do. I am trying, and hope that everyone else that feels this way does not give up. Remember, and it may sound strange, ( You are not alone ) This forum gets things off your mind and has helped me understand what I am , and others are going through.

[Love Dove]

Originally Posted by jackson

About a year after i retired i felt down useless and irrelevant.
I read something in the newspaper about a local Life Coach, so what the heck i went to see her, within 2 months she totally turned my life around, now 2 years later i have so much going on in my life i wonder where i find the time..
These days there's usually a professional out there that's trained to fix whatever problem you've got..
Try a local life coach..

Wow! See this is why we should all be here!! We can offer suggestions and help to each other and share services that maybe someone didn't even know about! Thanks so much for sharing this info!

[Love Dove]

Ok...I am no good at these things. I quoted ad thought my message would go with it and I dont see it anywhere....
Anyway, Jackson thank you so much for that! That is what we need to do and stay together and share services that have helped in case some of us were totally unaware of them. We need to share what worked and what didn't in hopes that someone here can benefit from that information.

ASK= Always Seek Knowledge