I must tell that I have read each & every word of your post very carefully and while I was reading ...I smiled because It's the same thing that I used to think 1 Week ago...read very carefully what I am going to write now..."There is hope!" At first I was a mentally devastated for something that happened in my life when I was a kid, and my condition was worse after 5 years, I was this close to be crazy, I started to take medicine, It made me comfortable after 3 years...in the mean time I was totally unable to do my study...so my career was finished...how ever I managed to handle the situation...but again It was a wrong decision...my girl friend left me, I had no job, I was on my parents and my parents are retired....I began to fantasize about dying even tried to suicide...and then suddenly a person came and showed me the way,....the way to life, now I am confident & stronger than I ever was.....hope this will help you