Life is a long process. Depression makes it seem a hell of a lot longer, in my opinion. Dig deep for inner desires and feelings of purpose and zest for life. Exercise, support groups, real friends, help lines, medication, healthier diet (and multivitamins), so many things may help. I understand what you were conveying and feel much the same on a near daily basis. I'm at the stage where I just live one day at a time. That's the best I can do. Unrealistic expectations may need to be dropped, because circumstances change, and so do our own defences, relative to our mental health, and we may have little control over the ups and downs. Hang in there. Ending it will create a much much worse outcome for you and anyone your life has touched. Depression hurts. Life is hard. Love is painful. But there is something to live for, many things, and only you can bring out your potential. Life is here for a reason, or it wouldn't be. Take care.