I'm not sure if what I'm going through is depression... It's been a few years now and I feel like I still have no one to talk to about how I’m feeling. I guess in a way I'm too embarrassed to go to anyone. It all started when I lost a family member. The idea of death really scared me, I ended up having really bad panic attacks just thinking about it. I couldn't even leave my house some days. I drank and did a lot of drugs to try and "escape reality". I graduated high school two years ago. I want to go to college but I really don't know what I want to do. My family isn't exactly financially secure so to me it's a pretty big decision. I lost another family member and my job this year for honest mistakes. It sometimes feels like the world is just constantly shitting on me, I really haven't had anything good happen to me in ages. I have nothing going for me, no job, not going to school, no car. It really sucks. My dad constantly puts me down about it and we get in huge arguments. I feel like most days I just want to be alone and I don't even know why. I'm in a rut and I can't get out. Does anyone have any advice or tips?