Is socializing and reading abstract books really the answer?

[georgeofthecity]

Hi,

Ever since the end of high school i've come to the realization that i'm depressed. Sometimes i can't seem to understand how bad it is, one night i'll be cutting myself, the other night i'll just be locked up in my room drinking. Now, i've done everything possible that isn't medically related like immersing myself socially---hell, i even live at hostel and go to university--it's hard not to be social. But, i feel like always being around people makes it worst. i've also tried being athletic daily, which i still do; i run probably 2 hours every day. Nothing seems to work. And i'm wondering if their really is an option for me that doesn't require a pill or a shrink. most of the time i feel like one of those guys off of a psychic show on tv who can hear everyone's thoughts, but all there thinking is about things that are judging me. i have trouble even looking at people now. really, i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't know why i cut myself anymore, except for the fact that i feel depressed about being depressed because other people have it so much worse. i hate myself for being this way, but i can't change.

it's just always is getting so much worse. everyday just so much worse. when i first cut myself with a nail, i didn't even know why i couldn't stop shaking the whole next day.

i'm sorry to unload so much, i just honestly don't want to burden my family or friends with this. i just need someone or something to talk to candidly and knows anything that can help.