Madness
Hello, I've been feeling really depressed for the last month. The reasons for this are so deep rooted and psychological that I'm not sure where to start and I don't know who to turn to. I'll put everything into a nutshell...
I'm 28 right now. My parents divorced when I was 13. My dad moved out of the country. My mom slipped into a massive depression and committed suicide 7 years later when I was 20. These things emotionally scarred me so bad that now I find it extremely difficult to have a romantic relationship with a woman. I'm pressured by my family to get married and have kids but I'm so afraid to do these things that I've considered just not doing them at all. I've considered never getting married. I find it hard to commit to a woman and also I find it really hard to break up with a woman. I long for closeness and love but I fear closeness and love will lead to abandonment, depression and suicide down the road. I've been with my girlfriend now for 3 years and I find myself not as attracted to her as I used to be and this scares me tremendously. I fear a break up is coming or could come and that has scared me to the point where now I've sunk into a depression. And we're planning on getting a place together in a couple months and I don't know if I can even do that. Everyday is a struggle for me just to get out of bed and face the day. I work at a repetitive job that I now hate and I feel like I have nowhere to turn and no time to even talk about this. I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I need to tell somebody about this. Theres a lot more to the story but it would take a book to explain it all.
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