Is there an easy way?

[katharina]

If you've had to end a relationship (whether romantic or other) for whatever reason, but truly didn't want to hurt the other person more than necessary, how did you do it? *IS* there a way that would maybe make it less painless or is that simply impossible?

[SageMother]

I think making sure your reasons do not include the failings of the person you are leaving makes a huge difference. If you know that this person is going to be difficult, make sure you have that last conversation in a public place.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by SageMother

I think making sure your reasons do not include the failings of the person you are leaving makes a huge difference. If you know that this person is going to be difficult, make sure you have that last conversation in a public place.

Sound advice about having the conversation in a public place. I'm not sure that's enough if you think the person is going to be a problem, though... there should be other steps to take as well if it was a bad relationship.

[Green-Moo]

There's a big difference between romantic relationships & others, although any which include an emotional attachment are liable to turn bad. Unfortunately I don't think there is a way to predict how someone else will react. Sometimes I find that the cowards way out is to gradually withdraw so that the other person doesn't feel such a shock. It's not always possible, I know.

Green-Moo

[tater03]

I would keep it mainly on me and why I am not happy. I wouldn't tell the person every little detail that is wrong. I think that is a good idea to do it in public if you think that the other person is going to fly off of the handle.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by tater03

I would keep it mainly on me and why I am not happy. I wouldn't tell the person every little detail that is wrong. I think that is a good idea to do it in public if you think that the other person is going to fly off of the handle.

The thing that's a bit worrisome when I think about someone doing this is... well, you can tell the other person in public for safety if you think there will be a problem, but then what happens later? What happens the next day? Unfortunately there is a concern beyond the initial announcement and I don't really know how someone would deal with that.

[mollyL]

Is there anyone in the other person's family who could be an ally in this case? Especially if you are worried about the breaking-up and aftermath. The relative could give you some idea how to break up, or if there was ever trouble in this area. The relative could act as a shoulder to cry on for your other person, and keep you posted if needs be about his mood, etc. If that isn't the case, from what you said, perhaps you need to ask what your options are to the constabulary. An order for protection, etc.? Also, when you talk about a public place, it could be at a mall where you could get off by yourselves, but public enough for you to call for assistance if needs be, but God forbid.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by mollyL

If that isn't the case, from what you said, perhaps you need to ask what your options are to the constabulary. An order for protection, etc.? Also, when you talk about a public place, it could be at a mall where you could get off by yourselves, but public enough for you to call for assistance if needs be, but God forbid.

Those are good things for anyone in this situation to keep in mind, yes. I have a feeling that sometimes there's just not an easy or "right" way. Restraining orders don't really mean anything if the other person comes after you. Good conversation here.

[Serenity]

I think if you use the words " I feel" when you're saying why you're ending it, it can help. For example instead of saying " You treat me badly", you could say " Look, this is how I feel right now. I feel you treat me badly." Subtle difference, but a big one. No one can deny you your feelings or argue with them. They're your feelings and that's it.

But if you say " you treat me badly", it opens the door for disagreement when you state something as fact. You'd be amazed at how much it can lower the tension level because the other person doesn't feel that they're "on the stand" so much because it doesn't sound quite so accusatory. However it plays out, ending any kind of relationship is never easy.

[ken7700]

Honestly there is never any easy way to let someone down. I wish there was as someone always gets hurt and that is never very pleasant.

[Kitten]

Just don't make it worse than it already is. It's not the time to place blame or bring up old issues in fight-form. State your reasons and try to leave it on good terms.

[ken7700]

Yes leaving it on good terms is something that is best for both parties. I learned that with my divorced. Were still friends today as we left on good terms.

[mrmick]

if you start to back off and see the person less and less you can gradually wean them off
you can also completely ignore them. so become very busy but dont lie.
you can also introduce them to a hot little number and then walk away and let nature take its course.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by Serenity

But if you say " you treat me badly", it opens the door for disagreement when you state something as fact. You'd be amazed at how much it can lower the tension level because the other person doesn't feel that they're "on the stand" so much because it doesn't sound quite so accusatory. However it plays out, ending any kind of relationship is never easy.

That's a good thought, Serenity... there are ways to say things that might at least take some of the sting out. Stating accusations is not a good idea if "I feel...." will work.

[katharina]

Originally Posted by mrmick

if you start to back off and see the person less and less you can gradually wean them off
you can also completely ignore them. so become very busy but dont lie.

I would not use these options because it doesn't seem fair to the other person to string them along. In fact, it's rather cruel to keep them hanging on if you know that you'll be ending the relationship.