Discussion of the stigma of mental illness

[Archer]

Hi. I had myself admitted to the hospital last Wednesday because of reocurring suicidal thoughts and urges. I suffer from long term depression so this is not anything new but the power of the urges compelled me to seek help. When my fiancee was finally informed of my hospitalization she became angry with me, saying she is disappointed with me for being weak, she thought I was stronger than that. She told me one of her clients has a child dying from cancer and I should be ashamed of myself for feeling "sorry" for myself. I have known this woman for 3 years, lived with her for 2 years, love her dearly and deeply. But this response has floored me. What the hell???

[taisha]

I am sorry that that is how your fiance reacted and though my first thought is that you don't need people like that in your life, my second thought was give her a chance first.

A LOT of people simply don't understand that depression is not a choice - it's an illness - and you have to treat it as such. You may simply need to sit down with her - perhaps with a counselor/psychiatrist present - and explain to her how depression works. That it's not a weakness or a choice - it's simply how you feel. If anything you have been strong - going to the hospital and being aware that you needed to go there is a difficult choice and you made that one by yourself. You are not feeling sorry for yourself, you just don't want to feel that way anymore.

It is super unfair to compare to the strife of a person with a child that has cancer. That has nothing to do with how you are feeling. Some people believe in the tough love approach, or that you should "just get up and go for a walk and you'll feel better" - but that's not realistic. I assume you already feel guilty, ashamed, etc., you didn't need help in that regard.

I am often extremely upset by how our disease is perceived and it's unfortunate that your fiance feels this way. But, education might be the answer - if she truly cares for you she'll want to try too.

My husband has been dealing with me and my illness for 7 years and sometimes he gets super frustrated because he simply doesn't get it. I've learned that trying to explain it to him really helps and he's getting better by the year.

so I say give the girl a chance, but don't forget what you need and make sure that regardless of how she feels that you are taking care of yourself.

good luck, hugs