i feel surrounded by darkness.

i just feel like nothing i used to like in life matters anymore. it satrted about 4 years ago, and has just been getting worse... it's at a point where i just don't feel like myself anymore.

i feel so isolated; i don't have many friends, and what friends i do have lately i have been pushing away lately because i don't want them to know how bad this has gotten.

i don't want to go to work, i don't want to come home, i don't want to be alone, i don't know what i want of life anymore.

my self esteem is shattered, and i have little confidence in myself; something deep inside knows i will fail again sooner or later.

i think of suicide often, and everytime i refill my perscriptions i tell myself "that this is the bottle of pills i will use to do it". but it never happens.

i have a plan, but cannot do it because i'm not ready. so in the meantime, i'm hoping someone out there can tell me it's going to be okay, and maybe i can get through this.

of course, anyone can say it's going to be okay and that "you will get through this".

but can anyone tell me what the value of a human life is?