Utterly hopeless

[NickC]

Hey,

I'm 20 years old living in St. John's, Newfoundland and I am severely depressed. I can't even get out of bed and rarely do I leave my apartment. I am not on medication despite being prescribed celexa because I simply cannot bring myself to go to the hospital. I am completely obsessed with my appearance and if people find me attractive, which is one reason I believe I don't really care about going outside.

If I had access to a gun I would have already shot myself because every other method seems too painful to me. This depression is having a profound impact on almost every facet of my life, but my main concern is that I am neglecting my studies at university, which is only contributing to the level of my depression.

Even if I am on the medication I still don't think it will help because of my obsession with my appearance. I cannot be happy knowing that there are people more attractive than I am. It's to the point where I hate attractive girls, I hate any guy who I deem more attractive than I am sometimes without even knowing them. I have intense envy for these people because it seems that no attractive females have any interest in me at all. I am like 5"6 too which makes it even worse.

Can someone help me or am I just going to have to kill myself?

[NickC]

Wow that was super helpful

[NickC]

I like how I posted this four days ago, the depression has intensified and still there has been no response with the exception of some spam garbage. Also there are 10 ratings of this thread? How can you rate a thread where someone is discussing how miserable their life is and how badly they want to die? I take no solace in bullshit phony therapy or these supposed "suicide help websites." People who don't go through depression and suicidal thoughts seem to have this incredibly retarded idea that "oh if you talk to someone, that should make you feel better automatically"...It really does not. Not one counselling professional I've ever talked to has helped me out in any way, and I've been to a shitload for varying lengths of time exceeding months. I want to kill myself plain and simple and it even puts a smile on my face to think about being dead. Fuck this stupid website, fuck therapy and fuck general existence. If this comment is deleted, it only validates everything I just said.

[TaaDow]

You need help. The only person that can help you is you. Theses forums won't give you what you need - a person to talk to.

Yes depression is debilitating but you need to pick yourself up off the ground and get to your doctor who can refer you to a specialist.

Depression is a selfish disease. I know how you feel.

You've been prescribed medication for a reason, yet you've decided not to take it. Medication alone cannot cure you. You need therapy and you need to force yourself out of your home.

I recommend you quit school for now and focus on getting healthy. I also suggest you call a friend or close relative and have them take you out for coffee or shopping or anything for a minimum of three hours daily.

School can wait, your health cannot.